\\ We belong together //

If you were a boat, my darling // A boat, my darling // I'd be the wind at your back // If you were afraid, my darling // Afraid, my darling // I'd be the courage you lack // 

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree // And you would come home, my darling, to me // If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream // Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be //

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand // If you were a song, I'd be the band // If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon // A light in the dark, my darling, for you // 

Oh, do you know we belong together? // Oh, do you know my heart is yours? 

The Recipe

Life is a funny thing, so many times I start to figure this thing out and poof a new ingredient has been added to the recipe.  So many new things are in this now and I'm frantically trying to mix everything in.
Right now I feel like I'm in between two worlds, adult Hannah and middle school Hannah.  Its scary, transition is never easy but in this case it is needed and I'm excited about it..... But everyone else isn't as much.
The final product though, I know, that I know, that I know every bit of tension and frustration along the way is worth it.

Here's to growing pains and new ingredients.

Mess < Beauty

Taken from, Not your average cup of joe

Reason for the silence

You may have noticed the silence, it was intentional.



These past few months have been a dozy of a season, and for some reason I didn't feel comfortable sharing it here, too personal I guess.  Because I kept it private, I started to feel like this space was becoming plastic, showcasing a happy life oozing with perfection, when in reality, my life is nothing close to perfection.

Back in September, my norm shattered, I didn't know what to do with myself, I have never felt so alone before.  I remember once, when I was driving home, after a conversation with a (now) friend, I started crying, pleading with God to show me the way through this mess.

Through my loneliness I got a front row seat watching God work, things started coming on the horizon, new relationships, new adventures and new dreams.  None of these things were even on my thought horizon three months ago.  He came in and breathed new creation within my soul.

I'm in a new chapter now, I still have my moments when I long for the "used to be" but those moments are becoming few and far in-between.  There is a reason for the new and a reason for the old, I choose not dwell on the "what ifs" and rest in Him instead.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future."     

---   Jeremiah 29:11   ---

A Good Monday (Imagine That)

Today has been great, so great I keep asking myself can this really be Monday?!

As of 7:05 today, I am officially registered for next semester's classes!  Seems a little strange I know, but everything is done a little differently at Community College like having the site freeze while I'm trying to register, my heart did start to panic and I was reminded again of how happy I'll be when Community College is just a distant memory.  

Never the less, these last five classes are going to be amazing for three reasons; 1) no math or science classes, 2) major specific classes AND fun electives, {hallelujah} 3) I'll be finished with my Associates and ready to move up in the College world!

My day got even better when I came home and had a orange package awaiting me, orange means Shutterfly!!  Can't wait to swap out some hold pictures for some new ones!

Yeah, so there's my above average Monday (aside from classes and homework, you know the boring stuff.)

Hope your Monday treated you well!

enough

When I come to Him with broken relationships, longing to make them new,

He takes the pieces, instead of fixing them He says,  "I am enough."

When I start getting anxious about the coming years,

He reassures me,  "I am enough."

When I come to Him with my dreams in hand,

He takes my dreams, and holding them close whispering, "I am enough." 

When feelings of loneliness seep in and voices of insecurity start degrading,

through the voices His presence rings true, "I am enough Hannah."

Fit for a Princess

  Many princess dreams came true this evening.

Happy fifth birthday Fairygirl, feels like just yesterday you were placed into our heart and home.  

Double

Last evening, three month old twins temporarily joined our family.  Our family consists of two parents, two teenage girls, a grandma and a four (almost five) year old, which is why this situation is only temporary.  

So yeah, that's the latest and greatest around my house!

Weekends And Trains

Sometimes I view this season of my life like a fast moving train, while I'm on the train I don't notice how fast and hectic everything is.  I only notice how crazy it was once I step off the train and realize just how fast everything was running.  

Weekends are when I get to step off my train, Thursday evening I get out my ticket stub to show my stop.  Friday and Saturday I enjoy the slower pace and start to breath normally again, then Sunday comes and my heart starts to pick up.  The train is back and a new ticket has been issued, but I'm not ready to jump back into the craziness. 

This past week I decided I wanted to fully enjoy the weekend, so I finished all my extra homework before the weekend embarked!

On Saturday I decided it was time to bust out the scarves and sweaters, forgot how much I like wearing those two together.  I also learned a valuable lesson, when using a film camera always remember to check the film before leaving the house.  We journeyed down to our favorite park, I brought my camera along only to discover I didn't have enough film left...  Now I will check, always.   

Last night was the last Dr. Who episode with Amelia Pond (his companion).  Soccergirl and I went all out, we made puppy chow and poured Arnold Palmer to help celebrate the last Dr. Who episode till Christmas.  Probably my favorite episode of the whole season, and also the saddest, not going to try and pretend, I did cry and okay with that.

Tomorrow my train will be awaiting me, and I think I'll be ready to get back on board.

Mid-Week Pick Up

Late night ice cream run, comfy sweats and silly pictures, sounds like a fun mid-week party to me! This week has been crazy three exams within three days, last one of which is tomorrow and then I shall be able to breath normally.

** Like the instax?!  I haven't touched the thing since May, I've realized the reason why is because I didn't want to use up my film too fast.  Heck, I haven't even gone through one pack, and I've had the thing since April!  Who cares about film, this camera won't be collecting dust! **

To Have and To Hold

----

His blue eyes locked on mine and I was caught.

It started out as a juvenile mutual crush, and like any crush it didn't last long; He moved on, the only problem was, I didn't.  Like any love struck, young teenage girl, I started adding his last name onto mine (many folders were covered with it) , I knew what our wedding would look like (country feel but still modern), and what our children's names would be (all my dolls had a name, middle name and His last name) .... Looking back, I might have been just a little obsessed.

I knew so very little about this Boy, and yet He became my everything.  I started building Him up in my mind, so much so that the Boy I created in my head was nothing like the real Boy at all, in a sense I created my own imaginary boyfriend.   

My every thought started to become consumed by Him.  if I knew I'd see Him that day I would spend extra time thinking and planning what I would wear and what I would say (if by chance He decided to talk to me).  He started to become my idol, I started spending more time thinking about Him then anyone else.

God started to slip in my priorities because of this non-igsistant Guy.  God was still working within my life don't get me wrong, but I wasn't spending enough time in the Word getting to know my Creator better.  I wasn't investing in my relationship as I should have been, thankfully that still didn't stop God from investing in me.

I was only fourteen and my heart was His, we never held hands, or shared a kiss and yet I had freely given him my heart, while He had done nothing.  There was no physical connection but my heart was His, He had my heart at His despoil and He didn't even know it.

As any young teenager, I didn't realize what a valuable gift I was freely giving Him, my heart is one of a kind.  Proverbs 4:23 specifically states, "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  Everything I do, everything I am all originates in my heart.

There is Someone who will treasure my heart, protect it from harm and love me without holding anything back.  God loves me more then any human possibly can, now that I have realized just how special and one of a kind my heart is I'm entrusting it to Him.  He never lets you down.

Here's to childhood crushes that teach you about life and love.

Snap shots of my weekend

This weekend I officially fell in love with my new 50mm lens, I swear that thing was made by fairies!

What did you do this past weekend?

Dear journal: big question

"[Someone responding to the fact that I will be working at SpringHill this summer] 'Are you ready to be changed for life?' It kind of took me aback, seemed like a pretty big question for just a summer job.  Making SpringHill feel like such a big and important thing, the butterflies starts dancing in my stomach as I started to worry if I had made the right choice for my summer.

As I was reflecting back on the question later I realized I don't need to worry about who I will be at the end of the SpringHill.  God has placed me in SpringHill for a reason, and ultimately God has only by best in mind for me.  He will use SpringHill to help shape me into who He wants me to be.

Through Kenya and Haiti God placed me there in those countries, with those specific people for a reason and as a result I came back changed.  My view of life had become wider, my view of self smaller and my view of God bigger.  I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world, Kenya and Haiti are forever apart of who I am.

So in answer to the question, yes I am ready to be forever changed because of SpringHill, and I can't wait to see the results!"


So what do you think of this new series?!  I'm excited to see where it goes, hopefully I'll be able to keep it up while I'm at SpringHill, letting you see into my summer!

Donuts at The Park

On this particular warm, Friday morning, it was just Fairygirl and myself at home so I decided we would have some fun! How you ask?

Why with some local bakery donuts at the part of course!  Fairygirl told me while we were getting out of the car, that she was going to have a rainbow donut and that she did! (Sprinkles are what dreams are made of!)

I, on the other hand went with a classic glazed donut, Victor approved! (the little green dino)

Just some sisters enjoying some straight up sugar!

I think our donut eating, park swinging Friday was a hit if I do say so myself!

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

source

What's the point of this blog if we can't have a little heart to heart, right?  Well today it's heart to heart time.  Here goes...

I'm leaving for Spring Hill in two weeks!!!  I know without a doubt this is where God wants me, but that still doesn't quite the nervous butterflies in my stomach.

I start to worry that I won't be able to connect with the other staff members at camp, that I won't be able to create new friendships.  I've gone through experiences where no friendships or even commonality were made, I was able to handle it because I knew at the end of the week I could go home.  At Spring Hill I won't be able to head back home after just one week, I'll be there for a almost three months.

I am hoping and praying that I will be able to connect with the other staff members, remembering that I'm 'stuck' there for three months no matter what, making the most of every situation, even the seemingly little situations, a kick in the butt, so to speak.  

I'm praying for a new boldness on my part, normally, I have a hard time opening myself up to new people.  It takes a good chunk of time for me to feel comfortable and be myself, sometimes a few hours or a few months, depending on the situation.  With Spring Hill I won't have the luxury of time,  every minute, every hour and every day I need to be confidence enough to be myself, with no regard to other's opinions.

Sometimes I imagine how differently this summer could look, me staying home.  Able to spend time with friends who are home from college, summer job, college classes and time with family.  I'll have to admit, it sounds really appealing at times.

My checklists are in full force, many journal entries have been written working out my feelings, and as always God is at my side.  My worries and concerns won't disappear in these coming weeks, but I KNOW this is where God wants me.  If I KNOW this is where God wants me, then I can be able to conclude that I KNOW God will PROVIDE the right friendships and connections for me,  I'll just need to listen to His nudging.   Trusting He knows best....  Funny those were my words for the year 2012,  banking fully on God's planning, not mine.


And that, my dear readers (if anyone actually reads this anymore) is my heart to heart!

Adventure in the D

This was where I spent my Saturday morning, The Eastern Market!  I'm proud to also add that we did not get lost on the way down, first time driving into the city for me.  

Hello little city pigeon, you know you're a country girl when you get excited seeing a common city bird.

A cow made of vegetables?  Would seem out of place anywhere else but at the Market.

The meet-up location for the day, "shed 3," sounds a little shady if you ask me.

You know the mushrooms are fresh when there's still dirt on them.

I'll admit, I was creeping on this cutie and his orange slice.  

Next time I go to The Eastern Market, one of these guys are coming home with me!

You surprised me Eastern Market, I greatly under estimated your awesomeness and I will be back.

You know it's finals time when...

• Papers have consumed the desk.

• A mini collection of cups accumulating around said desk.

• Laundry pile is sky high, leaving only sweats and other homely clothes left

• Start having panic dreams, (in one I over-slept and came to class an hour late!)

• Hair gets thrown into a bun, it's either that or it gets chopped off :O

• A constant countdown has been running through my head

• It's a good day if I have some mascara on, and that's on a good day

By this afternoon I will only have ONE more final!!!  Can't believe I'm almost finished with my first full year of college.

Dish Duty

On one particular night last week, it was just Fairygirl, Littleman and myself at home.  Dinner was wrapping up, Fairygirl was in tears because she didn't want her vegetables, Littleman was ready to roam free, the dishes were waiting and I still had to study for finals.

Fairygirl, finally, ate some veggies, Littleman went running to destroy the toys and I was frazzled.  I felt like the world was on my shoulders, I had to keep an eye and ear open to what the two little kiddos were doing, the dishes and table still needed my attention, and I was freaking out about my many finals, my anxiety was running high to say the least.

I was ready to give up, but God came to rescue, like He always does.  God calls us to leave a legacy on this earth, and I want nothing else, I long to leave a mark that will last longer than my life.  I get it into my head sometimes that only amazing, note-worthy things make a difference.  Working in the inner city or living in Africa is only note-worthy.  God showed me other wise, leaving a mark can look like crawling on all fours cleaning up dinner crumbs, it can look like cleaning Littleman's stinky diaper, or doing the dishes when it's not my turn.  Making a difference doesn't need to be confined.  

Sometimes the things that leave a mark aren't glamorous to the human eye, but to God they hold value.  No one thinks much of it, or even notices, but God does.  When we move the focus off ourselves and onto others, when we start looking to fulfill other's needs before our own, and when we start thinking how we can honor God and other's before ourselves, that's when we start leaving a legacy.

I've noticed that when I'm loving others, and serving them before myself, I find true happiness.  Not just surface level happiness, but happiness that sprouts deep in my soul.  A deep happiness can not be found when we focus on ourselves, but rather when we focus others!

I started off the night focusing on myself, on what I needed to do before tomorrow, how I wished others were home, totally focusing on myself.  God worked on my attitude, He moved my focus off myself and onto others, replacing my anxiety with His peace.

Thank you "Charlie is So Cool Like"

My weeks of finals just got better!  I know, it has been a little quite around here, finals are intense!

Awkward Awesome Thursday

Awkward

• I know I need to do laundry when the only clean socks I have are holiday socks.  They go great with my workout clothes...  (laundry is in the washer as we speak)

• Having the cashier look at you funny when you only purchase plastic gloves and sandwich pages.  I know it may look weird lady, but really it's just for dying my hair back to purple... Nothing weird in that at all!

• Yesterday I thought winter had unfortunately returned, we had snow and everything.  But today, spring is back!  Leaving me very confused as to how to dress.

• This semester will be done in under two weeks!  I think I'm going to become a hermit with all the studying for finals, paper editing and presentation making.  CRAZINESS (I might be, possibly, maybe freaking out already)

Awesome

• My bird wolf whistled at me when I came in the door from school.  Why thank you "Misty" for the resounding affirmation of your affection.

• This weekend it is supposed to be in the 70s!!  Great way to celebrate my birthday weekend! 

• Only THREE days till I kiss 18 goodbye and say hello to 19!!

• This school semester will be finished in two weeks!!  Freedom is so close I can taste it!

• SpringHill is only a month and a half away, you should see my packing list.  My list is extremely long and color coded, I like organizing, maybe a little too much.

Inspiration for this post found at The Daybook