May 21, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You


What's the point of this blog if we can't have a little heart to heart, right?  Well today it's heart to heart time.  Here goes...

I'm leaving for Spring Hill in two weeks!!!  I know without a doubt this is where God wants me, but that still doesn't quite the nervous butterflies in my stomach.

I start to worry that I won't be able to connect with the other staff members at camp, that I won't be able to create new friendships.  I've gone through experiences where no friendships or even commonality were made, I was able to handle it because I knew at the end of the week I could go home.  At Spring Hill I won't be able to head back home after just one week, I'll be there for a almost three months.

I am hoping and praying that I will be able to connect with the other staff members, remembering that I'm 'stuck' there for three months no matter what, making the most of every situation, even the seemingly little situations, a kick in the butt, so to speak.  

I'm praying for a new boldness on my part, normally, I have a hard time opening myself up to new people.  It takes a good chunk of time for me to feel comfortable and be myself, sometimes a few hours or a few months, depending on the situation.  With Spring Hill I won't have the luxury of time,  every minute, every hour and every day I need to be confidence enough to be myself, with no regard to other's opinions.

Sometimes I imagine how differently this summer could look, me staying home.  Able to spend time with friends who are home from college, summer job, college classes and time with family.  I'll have to admit, it sounds really appealing at times.

My checklists are in full force, many journal entries have been written working out my feelings, and as always God is at my side.  My worries and concerns won't disappear in these coming weeks, but I KNOW this is where God wants me.  If I KNOW this is where God wants me, then I can be able to conclude that I KNOW God will PROVIDE the right friendships and connections for me,  I'll just need to listen to His nudging.   Trusting He knows best....  Funny those were my words for the year 2012,  banking fully on God's planning, not mine.

And that, my dear readers (if anyone actually reads this anymore) is my heart to heart!

1 comment:

Heidi said...

I still read! You know who is in control, and that's all you really need to know. :)

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