Ninety Days

My closet has held many important things over our time together.  Dress up clothes, from when my sister and I would escape this ordinary world and venture back to the 1700s, complete with shawls and homemade old fashioned skirts.  Lovely peasant tops during sixth grade, I still don't know why I thought they were cool.  My red swing dance dress from high school, when the "cool" homeschoolers would go out every month to learn new dance moves.

On Friday my closet gets to hold something very special and very different then anything else before. Something I have dreamed about since before the time of old-fashioned dress up, my wedding dress.  It still amazes me that in less then ninety days I will be wearing that dress.  My nine year old self would be ecstatic, I won't lie though, the twenty-two year old me is pretty ecstatic too.

\\ We belong together //

If you were a boat, my darling // A boat, my darling // I'd be the wind at your back // If you were afraid, my darling // Afraid, my darling // I'd be the courage you lack // 

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree // And you would come home, my darling, to me // If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream // Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be //

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand // If you were a song, I'd be the band // If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon // A light in the dark, my darling, for you // 

Oh, do you know we belong together? // Oh, do you know my heart is yours? 

The Recipe

Life is a funny thing, so many times I start to figure this thing out and poof a new ingredient has been added to the recipe.  So many new things are in this now and I'm frantically trying to mix everything in.
Right now I feel like I'm in between two worlds, adult Hannah and middle school Hannah.  Its scary, transition is never easy but in this case it is needed and I'm excited about it..... But everyone else isn't as much.
The final product though, I know, that I know, that I know every bit of tension and frustration along the way is worth it.

Here's to growing pains and new ingredients.

It's time

This is it, we're at the front of the line! The roller coaster glides into the station and the first car is ours for the taking.
The safety bar comes down. The first big hill is within sight. 

Click click, click click.. click. click…. click…. click……………click. Slowly but surely we make our way up, so steep all you can see is blue sky.
Instantly, my heart starts beating, a gazillion butterflies unleashed within me. I start questioning wither or not this is a wise idea, will this "safety belt" keep me safe.  What if this car goes off the tracks? What's to keep this from crashing and me getting hurt? Nothing. Nothing at all.  That's where the beauty of it all resides. 

We're at the top now, those milliseconds of still before the rush, when you can hear your heartbeat in your eardrums. It's go time. 

Dear Hannah...

Today marks the start of an exciting adventure year.
Right now you're feeling overwhelmed, so many new things are on the horizon.

These coming months will be some of the best months of your life so far, hard to imagine I know.  Let me show you a glimpse into this coming year and you'll see what I mean.

Where do I even start?  How about this summer.

Your second year at Springhill, it's going to be such a crazy summer and this is only the beginning!  Right now, if you knew everything that was about to go down…  Ha.. You would say I'm lying and laugh in my face, even though I am you and this stuff is real soooo I'm not lying. Trust me.

Buckle your seat belt babe.

Remember who you are, your words hold so much power, don't be afraid to speak up.  Don't allow those nagging whispers to creep into your head and more importantly don't believe them!  Remember how valuable you are, a precious flower in His eyes.

There are going to be times when you feel overwhelmed, before Chicago, during plunge, after you're asked to join TST for the week.  Remember to breath, God has this all under control.  Releasing control and fully trusting Him can seem so scary but He can handle everything so much better than you can.

Another thing… Don't under estimate what can happen in twelve weeks, you will be surprised.  Some amazing relationships will come from this summer, treasure the time right now when you are together.  You will look back on fondness to the many nights of stargazing on the skate ramp and the raw conversations shared.

Also, those (quite a few) after camp texts from a certain someone… yeah your gut is right, he likes you.      In the coming months you will learn more about this crazy (in a good way) guy, you'll learn more him and his amazing heart for God and others.

Now, comes the fun part… YWAM

It all right now seem so intimidating, big and unknown, but stop worrying.  STOP.  These five months, you will look back on with wonder and awe; your view of God is going to explode; you will continue to grow into yourself and make friendships that you will treasure.

Hold onto the days, don't count them away but instead soak up every single second.  Sometimes you will wish for home and the comforts that come with it, realize the crazy opportunity you have right now.  Some day (very soon), you will dream about being back with your YWAM family.  Take captive these moments Hannah.

God has great plans for you and Him, God's going to reveal Himself in so many new ways!  Your heart is going to start beating for other nations, at times it seems daunting not knowing where you will end up.  But that's part of the exciting mystery of this new season of life, anything is possible with God!

India comes next,

Girlie, this is where you will get wrecked for life.  Don't fight it but embrace it.  Go through every moment in constant communication with Him, He is the only one who truly knows what your heart is going through.  Walk out in the boldness that you already have, most of the times you underestimate who you are.  STOP.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Everyone has different strengths and just because your strengths don't look like everyone else's doesn't mean yours are any less important to the team.  Walk out FULLY in who God has created you to be.  Satan loves hearing those thoughts of doubt bouncing around in your heart, turn them over to your First Love.  Let Him speak into your soul showing you who you truly are,  you are not these stupid lies you have been believing.

Don't be afraid to be 150% present, it's intense and can feel heavy, too hard to handle and causes your heart strife.  Feel anyway, pour out love when you can't give anymore, that's one of the beautiful things about fully loving.  Don't hold anything of yourself back, you are here for a reason, the people you encounter are the exact people who need what you have to offer in that moment.

Your heart will never be the same after these eight amazing weeks.  God knows what He's doing when you feel like you're breaking.  Right when you feel like you can't continue, He fill you up with love.  His love, love so raw and pure it meets them right where they are, doing nothing to earn the purest love.    The street kids; women in the rehab clinic; children in the slums; lepers outcasted by society, they all will be changed by an encounter of His love.

Love well Hannah, don't let a moment slip away from you.  Love without limitations.  

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This next chapter of life is going to be amazing.  Get ready.

Morning breath

While I was getting ready for the day, God told me to stop, and spend time with Him right now, first before I did anything else.  Morning breath and all.
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Normally, no one wouldn't see me like this unless we were on an intimate level, no makeup on and hair still disheveled and wet from the shower.  Not close to ready, my true nature fully exposed and not ready for the world to see.
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Jesus wanted me just the way I was, He wants to be so close and intimate with me that I'm comfortable with my crazy hair, clean face,and puffy morning eyes, completely transparent and vulnerable in His presence.
I don't need to impress Him, he has seen all of me in my true form still accepts me, better yet He wants me to place my real ugly self onto Him.  Allowing Him to carry it while I become redeemed and made anew through His love.

Dreamland

It all seems like a dream now. The smells. The people. The tastes. The sounds. All lost somewhere in my memory. 

Oh India, come back to me.